Alone

Here I go.  To court.  All alone.  House is silent.  Car will be too.  And at first, I was a little sad.  Hurt. Feeling like nobody cares that I have to do this really hard thing.  That nobody knows how troubled I am to have to go face him today.  How nobody will be there, waiting, willing me to be brave.  But, after awhile.  After prBut what I wished was.  What I knew was possible.  Praying.  Taking my time to get ready.....I was ok.  I am never alone.  Lonely, maybe.  But not alone.  I will be however I will be and then the time will pass.  And that's what I've learned...these hard parts will pass.  But I have to face them.  I have to do them.
I can't explain it to anyone.  The words are too far in.  So, here, I will write later, when I have more time.  Because how do you say goodbye to something that never really was?  It's hard.  And therein is my problem.....I am a hoper.  A believer.  An encourager.  A faith walker.  And, this kills me.  Because I KNOW what could have been.  But it couldn't be with me doing and believing on my own.
So...I need to go today and say goodbye to THAT hope and move forward knowing that hope in many possibilities remains.
blessings.