The release of laughter

The kids and I laughed really hard yesterday.  Nothing forced.  No trying.  We were just together.  Remembering things.  Watching silly shows. Watching Christmas vacation.  Yes, it's crass...but there are some classic scenes as Griswold tries to provide the perfect Christmas for his whole family.  I loved the movie.  And I'm not into comedies.  I loved hearing my kids laugh uncontrollably...and me getting to join in on that.  I loved that we were in the same room.  I loved that we are learning what it is to be real.  They know that I can be a real mess.  And that though I've apologized, it doesn't fix anything.  It expresses remorse, but it doesn't heal.  They know that.  But the healing comes in the truth.  In the real.  In the being able to laugh together still.  In the forgiveness.  For that I am so thankful.  My life would not be the same without them.  They have molded me.  Challenged and changed me.  I love them with a love that I never even understood before.  A kind of love that holds on so tightly and yet the touch is loose....never letting go, yet releasing.  It's a toughkind of love.  It's beautiful.  And I will always be glad that I got married and had them.  They are the best legacy I can leave this world.
Laughter itself heals.  I need more of it.  About real things.  Sometimes about hard things.  Sometimes I need to be able to laugh about the things going on with the ex.  Let them go.  But laughing about such serious matters offends some.  I don't want to hurt them.  I just want to be able to let some of those feelings out in the form of laughter.  I've cried myself silly.  I'm ready to laugh again.
blessings.