Wine

Yep.  It has been nice this afternoon and evening.  Sipping wine.  I know....probably not the best thing.  But, it has helped. And I am getting things done.  Even facing THE closet again.  Got the floor nearly cleared out.  Nearly.  Been having a hard time of it.  But, I also made the game room/living room homier.  I have done laundry.  Dishes.  Grocery shopped.  Got gas.  Got curtains for the living room. Black..weird, but it's the game room and it is appropriate somehow.  Maybe I'll do the walls this week. The green grates on me somehow.  Candles burning.  A fire.  Tree lit.  Bath running.  Shows watched. Going through papers.  Moving furniture.  Working, but not hard. Just enjoying this time as much as I can.  Though I miss the kids. I mostly hang at home and think how it'll be Christmas next week...not in two days....but when my kids get home.  I guess I'm in denial, but it works.
Alone the entire day.  Don't know that there will be many different.  That's ok.  Got lots to do and think about and learn.  Others need to be focused on their dear and loved ones.  And...no martyr feelings at all....I finally can just accept that the family I would have been with is in the cemetery.  That's how it is.  Period.  And my kids?  I think that this is a good time for them to learn too.  Maybe they are getting a clearer view of who their dad's family is.  How they function  Or don't.  And maybe it will help bring healing as they see that it wasn't them at all that caused me to part from their dad.  Maybe.  Just maybe. They will see what I lived through.  A bit.  And understand. Maybe.
Gotta take a nice hot bath.  Nice hot.