Confusion

So, there's this person who seemed to understand my words and heart.  But....well...today, it was as if she was trying to say something different.  But, then I had to go and get to work and she has been unavailable since.  I think that I am learning that I just have to figure it out.  I have to go with what I really believe.  I can't simply wait for any sort of validation.  That's hard.  Not that someone has to tell me what to think.  Or what to do.  It's just difficult to feel alone.  Not heard.  Not understood.  And so, I will simply try to wait and learn and do what I have to do.
Still, I don't think she means harm or has any intentions that are not good.  I don't think she will be angry with me.  I just had enjoyed a small time of being heard.
Regarding a counselor.  I am ready to go but scared as well.  It feels overwhelming to dig into saying the hard things.  MOstly what I want is to just get better from here.  I know where I am.  I know where I want to get.  So....I need help and encouragement to get there.
That's the thing...I am in desperate need of encouragement.  I feel like talking to my friends hurts them.  I have really tried.  Really been putting it out there and trying to be truthful without being rude about him.  Here come tears.  When do I just get to break down and not give a damn what everyone else needs?  Never.  Because there are too many hurting people in the world.  And I care about that.  Deeply.  Though I think people don't know how much.  My heart breaks for the pain.  But, I've gotta figure out a way to share too.  Because I also am among the hurting.
Gotta run.