Lessons in Letting Go

Today I got called, bright and early, for a sub job.  It was to last three days.  It was not too far from my house.  It was at a school that I am interested in teaching at.  However, it was a Spanish job and....when taking multiple day jobs, I can't cancel after the first day.   So, it's all or nothing.  I agonized.  While I showered.  While I dressed.  While I put on my jewelry.  I asked advice.  I was.....glad to meet my three days, but uncomfortable.  So, with just enough time left, I cancelled.  I made a choice that left me with unknowns.  Not knowing whether I could fill the times or not.  Not knowing that he schools would be ones that I like to go to.  But, the stress within me needed to be an indicator....not just fear, but something that felt like a warning.  So, as soon as I cancelled, I checked available jobs.....and there was a job for one of the days at my favorite school.  It doesn't meet my goal of three days a week, but I realized that I would have missed being where I wanted to be and with the people I like to be with if I had taken the other job.  I couldn't see what else was available as long as I held onto that job. Do not think that I am saying that people should get divorced to see what other men are out there.  I rather mean that, within my life, there are options. And, sometimes in order to see the other options and other good possibilities, I have to first let go of something else.
It wasn't easy today.  I felt.....irresponsible.  Because my husband has helped me along that path for so many years.  But, I stepped up to the edge of the cliff, and just like Indiana Jones, I took that first step, simply trusting that there was something there.  Though I could not yet see it.  He trusted his father's journal.  I trust my Father's letters to me as well.
And what if there had been.......nothing there?  Still, this would have been a good choice.  Because I am frail. My heart if fragile.  And I need to take good care of this girl.  She deserves it.  She has given her all in the battle.  She is war weary.  She has scars.  But, I'm realizing that in many ways...she is a hero.  She has chosen good.  Chosen as well as possible.  And will continue to do so.  But to do so, she needs to be looked after for awhile.  Given some TLC.  Never fear...she's strong.  Able.  Humorous.  And she will stand up again and be able to walk into all kinds of unknowns.  Just not quite yet.
grace to you.