"'There are two sides to every story. You never really know what goes on in a relationship.'  If you have had to listen to similar comments, you have probably found that they sting; 'neutrality' is not actually neutral.  Because it harms the person who has been mistreated and subtly supports the person who was destructive." page 253 of  "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?" by Lundy Bancroft.
I realize that is what I was dealing with today.  That I want to allow people this freedom.  To be "neutral".  Yet, it is at personal sacrifice.  He sits with my best friend at church.  He talks to someone I confided in after church.  He takes over so many aspects of my life and I simply am silent.   I ALLOW it.  I don't say...get the hell away and quit doing this.  And, I give permission to those who are important to me to give him support as well....even if it is silent.  Yet, it hurts me deeply.  It crushes something inside.  It causes feelings that aren't jealousy but simply agony.  Because when he pulls everyone to his side, it is going to leave me alone.  But alone is better than with him.  So, I try to stand tall and face the prospect.
I am weary.  I say it over and over.
I need to take a break from griping to friends.  I need to listen better.  I need to do so many things.  Things that I WANT to do.  But find difficult because of my limited energy supply.
One thing at a time.  I will figure out a way to do things in a healthy manner.  Truthful about what I need without taking away the freedom of others to live as they need to.
It's part of the journey to wholeness.  To health.  I will make it.  I am a pretty amazing person. ;)  And humble too.
blessings my friends.