Just woke up from a much needed, but not quite so great in the restful department, nap. I wrote a lengthy email to my husband regarding whether he would sign the separation papers or not. Then, I saved it as a draft. I woke up and simply sent one question.......I asked whether he would sign or if I would have to do it on my own. I have the other email in reserve if more explanation is required.
I have the thermostat up to 74. A blanket. My heater running.
I need TLC. I also need to get off of my butt and take care of getting copies made and all.
Last night was very hard on me. But I have to remember that he is good at acting sweet and then when I believe it and go with it, the other shoe drops and I am crushed. I can't do that to myself anymore. Even if he really is getting his stuff together, I can't keep spending my life trying to figure out where I am in that or what he is doing. I just can't.
And, the one thing he succeeded in doing was in making my thoughts go back to the vicious circle of "what if he really is going to do it differently? Don't I owe that a chance?"
But, as bitchy as it sounds, I don't think that I do. Twenty years was a LONG time. I begged. I asked. I explained. And he just wants me to say the same things over and over and then he twists them into something else and spits them back at me. I just can't. I guess.....I just WON'T.
So, either he'll respond or he won't. And I will go from there. Either he'll say yes or he won't. But I finished it. I need to have the copies made. I need to pay.
But, I need to be absolutely sure before this that there will be enough to pay my property taxes at the end of the month...because I KNOW that is a thing he can hold over me. Losing the house because of a couple of thousand in taxes would be ridiculous.
Ok. I feel like a limp rag. But....gotta try to use this day.
grace to you.
I have the thermostat up to 74. A blanket. My heater running.
I need TLC. I also need to get off of my butt and take care of getting copies made and all.
Last night was very hard on me. But I have to remember that he is good at acting sweet and then when I believe it and go with it, the other shoe drops and I am crushed. I can't do that to myself anymore. Even if he really is getting his stuff together, I can't keep spending my life trying to figure out where I am in that or what he is doing. I just can't.
And, the one thing he succeeded in doing was in making my thoughts go back to the vicious circle of "what if he really is going to do it differently? Don't I owe that a chance?"
But, as bitchy as it sounds, I don't think that I do. Twenty years was a LONG time. I begged. I asked. I explained. And he just wants me to say the same things over and over and then he twists them into something else and spits them back at me. I just can't. I guess.....I just WON'T.
So, either he'll respond or he won't. And I will go from there. Either he'll say yes or he won't. But I finished it. I need to have the copies made. I need to pay.
But, I need to be absolutely sure before this that there will be enough to pay my property taxes at the end of the month...because I KNOW that is a thing he can hold over me. Losing the house because of a couple of thousand in taxes would be ridiculous.
Ok. I feel like a limp rag. But....gotta try to use this day.
grace to you.
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