breathe

i am finding that i am more and more able to breathe as i face things that are real.  being married to my ex took so much energy.  wanting to love fully.  wanting to be a good and kind wife.  but failing at every turn.  trying.  trying.  trying.  trying.  trying.  never ending.  never the look of love and acceptance in his eyes  always the "commitment" but never the easy love.
but i thought that it had to be enough.  i got used to accepting whatever.  doing whatever it took.  making others comfortable.  it did bring me joy.  it does bring me joy.  yet.  finally.  i learned.  love isn't only about me having to perform to make life easier.  to meet needs.  to accept the difficult and make it ok.  it's about being real.  about allowing truth out.
i might feel a little lonely or sad.  but, i also feel full of breath.
blessings.