Guard your heart for out of it flow the matters of life. All of life comes from the heart. The heart of God. Who dwells in our hearts. The place of deepest love. The place of deepest wounds. The outward doesn't matter much. But the heart matters.
Why am I at such a loss these days? I'm happy. Yet grappling. Learning to guard without being guarded. Learning to share without vomiting everything. Learning to see when people really aren't interested. Learning that mostly....people aren't interested. And then sometimes, I am completely shocked. And amazed. By someone seeing me. And it fills up my heart again with hope that maybe I won't be invisible. I am more out there and true than before, but there is this depth to me that remains held close. Because it is a place where I can be hurt deeply. And quickly. Especially in the aftermath of my ex. He hurt me there a thousand times. In my heart. In the place where I chose to be vulnerable. And kept choosing. Thinking that it was right to do. Now, I know better. Trust has to be cherished. Not so much earned. But, when someone gives it to you, you have to hold it gently and not crush it.
The matters of the heart. My matters. Things that matter. They begin in my heart. And my heart is still healing. But.....it IS healing.
blessings.
Why am I at such a loss these days? I'm happy. Yet grappling. Learning to guard without being guarded. Learning to share without vomiting everything. Learning to see when people really aren't interested. Learning that mostly....people aren't interested. And then sometimes, I am completely shocked. And amazed. By someone seeing me. And it fills up my heart again with hope that maybe I won't be invisible. I am more out there and true than before, but there is this depth to me that remains held close. Because it is a place where I can be hurt deeply. And quickly. Especially in the aftermath of my ex. He hurt me there a thousand times. In my heart. In the place where I chose to be vulnerable. And kept choosing. Thinking that it was right to do. Now, I know better. Trust has to be cherished. Not so much earned. But, when someone gives it to you, you have to hold it gently and not crush it.
The matters of the heart. My matters. Things that matter. They begin in my heart. And my heart is still healing. But.....it IS healing.
blessings.
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