How Productive Looks.

Went through loads of boxes today.  Getting that garage sale ready.  it's a lot more work than it seems.  and i am not good at doing it in an orderly, keep everything else neat fashion.  add to that a broken dishwasher and you can pretty much picture the scene.  Hey, I did make dinner tonight!  That's something.  Good dinner.  With meat, potatoes and veggies.  I know.  Then I sent my son for ice cream.  Still overwhelmed!  Lots and lots to do.  But I realized today that part of my stress is a trigger from the past.  The being afraid to make this mess.  Knowing that it would all just get put back.  Living with someone who had a great knack at making me feel horribly inadequate when I couldn't do all of this AND keep the house like becky home ecky.  And I realize that inside, I still hear that voice.  Those questions that were to let me know that I wasn't doing what he thought I should.  I was a disappointment.  To HIM.  That does not make me a disappointment.
I have a lot of paperwork to go through.  His love letters from other girls/women are in a box that I put aside to do while the kids are gone.  Lots to do.
And tonight, I'm not being active.  I am productive.  I am making it.  I am moving forward.  Tonight I am allowing myself to savor what I HAVE DONE rather than listening to his voice of all that I haven't done.  That's tough to do.  I was married a long time.  But, strangely, I guess it was just time to hear a new voice.  And the new voice says, "that's my girl, I'm so pleased with you."
blessings.