a friend called me determined awhile back. it wasn't exactly a compliment. it was used synonymously with stubborn. and there was a time when i had become stubborn. stubborn i want to banish. but determined.....that, i want to keep. how are they not the same? stubborn has to do with having to be right. determined has to do with getting a thing done....a job or an attitude, it doesn't matter.
i am determined. I determined many years ago not to allow my childhood to define me. i was only yet a child when i made that choice. i never limited my thoughts of what i could do or what i could be based on the fact that i came from a broken home, had been abandoned by my father, my mother had died and my step mother gave up on me. the grandfather with whom i ended up living hated my father. life was difficult. at times horrible. and at a point, ending it seemed best. but god provided. strength. hope. vision. dreams. and a way. always a way.
and so i have held onto that all of my life. there's always a way. and if he says no to something then there's something even better. i have no reason to fear. i can move confidently. i can make mistakes. i can go the wrong way. i can mess up. i can ace it. it doesn't matter. it is all for his glory. all for his plan. he is about doing amazing things if i but determine that he really is able. even jack hammering.
this has been way hard. oh my goodness. it's heavy. but you know what? i figured out how to put in the bit. i showed two of my kids how to do it safely. i took my turns. yes, my wings flapped gloriously. but i did it anyway. and i prayed. and am praying. we have done the top piece. have the bottom piece to do after we toss the remains into the dumpster that shall arrive. yes, i decided. rent a dumpster. clean up. tidy up. make this property a place that i'm proud of. get rid of the garbage. get rid of the fact that the ex packed stuff everywhere. never allowed to just part with something. to be done using it. had to squirrel it away. i want to have a new attitude. not frivolous. but to use what i need in the now and to trust that god will provide what i'll need in the future. period. to give. to let go. to see that others have needs.
i am determined to live my life differently. i have had 20 years of a life that i was not happy with. that i felt convicted about. praying only for needs. not thankful. or thankful in order to get things. i am so deeply grateful. deep in my soul. i've been given life. my prayer to make it through to see my kids growing up has been answered. i work. i have food to eat. i have people to love. i have flowers. i have a bed to rest upon. i have grass to mow. i have a computer. i have an education. i have hope. and i am determined to be more and more thankful.
i have been whining lately. trying to say how badly i feel about how my ex treats me. but it doesn't do much except for make me look small and petty. and it makes others uncomfortable. i need to remember that he does not keep me from doing anything. only i can do that. i choose who to be, how to be and what to do. i want to do so wisely. with determination.
fierce, fearless, loving, kind determination.
blessings.
i am determined. I determined many years ago not to allow my childhood to define me. i was only yet a child when i made that choice. i never limited my thoughts of what i could do or what i could be based on the fact that i came from a broken home, had been abandoned by my father, my mother had died and my step mother gave up on me. the grandfather with whom i ended up living hated my father. life was difficult. at times horrible. and at a point, ending it seemed best. but god provided. strength. hope. vision. dreams. and a way. always a way.
and so i have held onto that all of my life. there's always a way. and if he says no to something then there's something even better. i have no reason to fear. i can move confidently. i can make mistakes. i can go the wrong way. i can mess up. i can ace it. it doesn't matter. it is all for his glory. all for his plan. he is about doing amazing things if i but determine that he really is able. even jack hammering.
this has been way hard. oh my goodness. it's heavy. but you know what? i figured out how to put in the bit. i showed two of my kids how to do it safely. i took my turns. yes, my wings flapped gloriously. but i did it anyway. and i prayed. and am praying. we have done the top piece. have the bottom piece to do after we toss the remains into the dumpster that shall arrive. yes, i decided. rent a dumpster. clean up. tidy up. make this property a place that i'm proud of. get rid of the garbage. get rid of the fact that the ex packed stuff everywhere. never allowed to just part with something. to be done using it. had to squirrel it away. i want to have a new attitude. not frivolous. but to use what i need in the now and to trust that god will provide what i'll need in the future. period. to give. to let go. to see that others have needs.
i am determined to live my life differently. i have had 20 years of a life that i was not happy with. that i felt convicted about. praying only for needs. not thankful. or thankful in order to get things. i am so deeply grateful. deep in my soul. i've been given life. my prayer to make it through to see my kids growing up has been answered. i work. i have food to eat. i have people to love. i have flowers. i have a bed to rest upon. i have grass to mow. i have a computer. i have an education. i have hope. and i am determined to be more and more thankful.
i have been whining lately. trying to say how badly i feel about how my ex treats me. but it doesn't do much except for make me look small and petty. and it makes others uncomfortable. i need to remember that he does not keep me from doing anything. only i can do that. i choose who to be, how to be and what to do. i want to do so wisely. with determination.
fierce, fearless, loving, kind determination.
blessings.
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