emails

i feel manipulated by his emails.  not better.  not happy.  not changed.  manipulated.  how he disagrees that the marriage is irreparable.  how he doesn't care which stuff because he doesn't view it as his.  how he simply doesn't want to separate but is doing it for me.  how he thinks i'm all these good things...and if he couldn't love me then he should look at himself...wait, back the car up.....does he not get it?  that's the whole point.  he has never behaved as if he loves me.
maybe i should test his theory and ask for all of the cars.  I know....not nice.  but then he could buy one and not me.  he just trusts that i won't call him on his super goodness.
i can forgive.  i do forgive.  what he is not getting is that i'm not going back.  if in twenty years i meet him and we started all over again...that's it .....we would have to start ALL OVER AGAIN.  i just don't trust him. period.  and he hurts me so much by not giving me the basic things that i need.
soooo.....i pretty much hate the emails.
grace.