You Were There For Me

I am learning to love who I am.  Not because I am something spectacular nor famous.  But, as the years go by, I get little affirmations that back in the past, when I was just being me, I was good and needed.  Today, someone that I have known since way back in junior high told me that I saved her life and that I didn't even know it.  That she wanted to die.  That being in choir and at lunch together, I helped her.  Without even knowing.  Just being me.  Somehow, that speaks deeply to me.  Because I'm not about the big splash.  I'm about the constant.  The deep care.  The stable commitment.
Guess that is why the thing about my marriage was so hard.  Because when I give, I give big.  From the depths of my toes.  And I don't expect a big thank you or a parade.  But, I guess I do expect to be appreciated.  Not in an "I said thank you for the dinner and now can you give me what I want?" kind of way.  In a much more deep way.  A way that means that a person has seen me.  I don't need to be elevated.  I just need to be known.
I don't do a lot of things.  But one thing I have done in my life is be there for those who I care about.  Through whatever.  Ahhh.  There it is.  One of those moments.  THAT'S why it hurts me so much that people act like this is easy for me with my husband...nearly ex....because it is contrary to the very fabric of who I am.  And what that means is that they don't SEE me.  And that hurts me.  Oh.  Knowing is half the battle.  Because really what hurts me isn't their thoughts...it's my fears and hurts about their thoughts. That was very enlightening.  I LOVE writing.
blessings.
oh....and remember....while you are just busy being you, you are touching lives that you don't even know about....and if you try to be like someone else.....those people will miss out on your special touch.