this week i heard....read....the best analogy for where i am in my relationship with my ex.
relationships are like plants. they don't need constant care, but they need consistent care. a plant can be left on it's own. it grows fine without being watched all of the time. but, without water, without attention, it shrivels, it suffers. but....nearly miraculously....with a little tlc and some water, it comes back. sometimes this happens over and over again. and after awhile, we don't even worry about it anymore. we just figure that it will come back to life again. but, finally, as it grows weaker, there comes a times when it is truly dead and does not come back anymore. no amount of water or fertilizer or pruning will help. it's finished.
that is what happened for me. i came back time and again. i perked up. hoped. believed. but eventually, i was completely done. i had a sense of panic as it happened. toward the end, i knew. and the end wasn't when he moved out. not even when i filed the papers. it was when i finally knew that i couldn't spend my life with someone who i couldn't have a sense of safety and comfort with. it was when i knew that i was happier when he wasn't around than when he was. it was when i began to have panic attacks about going home. finally, it just was the death of a relationship.
and he wants to water it now. and throw on some fertilizer. and pray. and whatever else might help. but that time passed. and i am not alive to that relationship anymore. whatever it is that causes it to be alive, died. i have mourned and grieved. and now i am working on learning to accept it. it's a loss. but it is done.
even if he doesn't want to allow it.
blessings.
relationships are like plants. they don't need constant care, but they need consistent care. a plant can be left on it's own. it grows fine without being watched all of the time. but, without water, without attention, it shrivels, it suffers. but....nearly miraculously....with a little tlc and some water, it comes back. sometimes this happens over and over again. and after awhile, we don't even worry about it anymore. we just figure that it will come back to life again. but, finally, as it grows weaker, there comes a times when it is truly dead and does not come back anymore. no amount of water or fertilizer or pruning will help. it's finished.
that is what happened for me. i came back time and again. i perked up. hoped. believed. but eventually, i was completely done. i had a sense of panic as it happened. toward the end, i knew. and the end wasn't when he moved out. not even when i filed the papers. it was when i finally knew that i couldn't spend my life with someone who i couldn't have a sense of safety and comfort with. it was when i knew that i was happier when he wasn't around than when he was. it was when i began to have panic attacks about going home. finally, it just was the death of a relationship.
and he wants to water it now. and throw on some fertilizer. and pray. and whatever else might help. but that time passed. and i am not alive to that relationship anymore. whatever it is that causes it to be alive, died. i have mourned and grieved. and now i am working on learning to accept it. it's a loss. but it is done.
even if he doesn't want to allow it.
blessings.
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