alone in the dark

i lay here alone in the dark because that is what i did when he was here.  i don't know how to express the words to anyone because i didn't.  and now here i am.  alone in the dark.  trembling and scared and literally afraid to get off of my bed.  i used to wonder if he was there.  for real there.  it takes time for me to even be able to pick up my computer.  but it is how i survived back then.  stuck in my little space.  hiding.  screen dimmed
the commonality in my dreams is his anger.
it feels like he has been angry.  lives like he's doing what i want, but like there's an underlying retaliation. 
not sure i can do this tonight.