Peace

Peace looks good on my son.  He got his license, but he got so much more.  Freedom?  Yes.  But even more than that.  A boost of confidence.  He needed it so much.  His mama telling him that she loves him, or how special he is doesn't really do so much in this time of life.  He needed to DO something that made him proud.  And when you are depressed and struggling, it's hard to get to that place. I understand.  Even if I did spend the last month kicking his butt.  Not for me.  For him.  For seeing him have today.  I have cried much.  I have pushed, pulled back, encouraged, griped.  I have worn myself out on this.  One night I nearly despaired of getting him to this point.  And I knew that if he went to the test and didn't pass, he would blame me.  He has to put all of his hurt somewhere these days.  Right on my shoulders.  I'm learning to pass it along to God.  He has my son in hand.  Though his dad doesn't understand him nor meet his needs.  Though he won't try to communicate with his dad.  God is his best Father.  He will draw him. 
And seeing that peace on his face tonight was lovely.  The smile.  The relaxed feeling.  He has worried about that test for too long.  Failure would have crushed him.  God knew that.  Bless the Lord, oh my soul...for He cares for my children with tenderness and compassion.  He is a Father to the fatherless and a husband to the....wait....to me?  Even me?  Blessed beyond belief.  Even in the midst of this incredible exhaustion and so much to do.
I love my job still.  But it's HARD. 
And lovely.  Beautiful.  A gift.
Gonna rest a bit before the kids get home from driving on their own from their youth meeting!!  What a nice thing that is.
blessings.