I finally realized what it was that broke inside me when I finally knew that I wouldn't be able to stay. I finally see what it was that was ebbing away as he chipped away in my life.
My hope. My faith.
You see, I could stand being used. Being not thought of. I could withstand so many things. But there was this part that was fading away, that was dying. Hope. Faith.
And those are pillars of who I am.
And the most hurtful part? He didn't even recognize it or see it. Because he doesn't see me. Unless it affects him.
So, it turns out that I have a line. A boundary. And though I hadn't wanted to have one with my husband. Though I had wanted to do and be and choose what he needed, wanted, desired....well, there was still a line. And that line was drawn long ago. When Jesus came and made my life worth living. And wrote His name on my heart.
A lot of things I was willing to give up. But not my foundation. Not my rock. Not my very simple faith. And that is what broke. His attacks began to take away the ability to live the life I had been given as a gift. Not just getting what I wanted or even needed....but in being who I was because of whose I was.
Love those aha moments. Because I remember the sense that something was breaking. That there was going to be a point of no return. That there was a line that I wasn't will to cross. But I couldn't articulate it.
Now I can. My voice is coming back.
blessings.
My hope. My faith.
You see, I could stand being used. Being not thought of. I could withstand so many things. But there was this part that was fading away, that was dying. Hope. Faith.
And those are pillars of who I am.
And the most hurtful part? He didn't even recognize it or see it. Because he doesn't see me. Unless it affects him.
So, it turns out that I have a line. A boundary. And though I hadn't wanted to have one with my husband. Though I had wanted to do and be and choose what he needed, wanted, desired....well, there was still a line. And that line was drawn long ago. When Jesus came and made my life worth living. And wrote His name on my heart.
A lot of things I was willing to give up. But not my foundation. Not my rock. Not my very simple faith. And that is what broke. His attacks began to take away the ability to live the life I had been given as a gift. Not just getting what I wanted or even needed....but in being who I was because of whose I was.
Love those aha moments. Because I remember the sense that something was breaking. That there was going to be a point of no return. That there was a line that I wasn't will to cross. But I couldn't articulate it.
Now I can. My voice is coming back.
blessings.
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