Not Getting Graded

I don't remember which book it was in, but at one point, I read a quote where the offer states that eventually she learned that there aren't grades in life.  There's not even a scale.  We are not comparable one to the other.  Oh, there is right and wrong.  I believe in that firmly....lest any of you believe what is being said regarding my heathen ways.....but, I also believe that we have taken a lot of liberties with right and wrong.  We have turned it into a grade system.  Yes, I mean "we"....as in christians.....people who spout that grace is the way while getting out the scale to see if others are measuring up in good works, right political views, right dress, correct lifestyle, well behaved children, never drinking, drinking....you name it, we'll label it right or wrong and measure each human to see how he/she measures up.
But, really, there are no grades.  None.  It's all pass/fail.  And we only pass by grace.  And anything that we do of any value after accepting that grace isn't ours to measure anyway.
There's no grade.  God won't love me more tomorrow than he did when I was.  And, blessedly, He won't love me less.
I have spent twenty years trying to tip the scales in my favor.  Trying to put everything in the right basket  Trying to find balance.  Right weight.  Right hair.  Right clothes.  Right thoughts.  Right house.  Right way to live.  Right laugh.  Right whatever.  Thinking that eventually I would be found acceptable.  Hmmm.  If there happens to be a cold day in hell, let me know, and I'll see if anything has changed around here.  Because frankly, I have finally realized that there is no being right in his sight.  If one thing is "fixed", something else is wrong....round and round and round.  There is no being content or thankful or peaceful.  There's only worry and criticizing.  Oh, don't get me wrong....compliments are used as tokens for well.....rides??  Ok, you get the picture.  Prizes?  I'm trying to get past it, but it's difficult.
But, there's no grade coming forth from the TEACHER.  He just wants to fun the race with me.  Coaching, encouraging and teaching.
I'm going to try to remember that.  It's hard though.  Very easy to see myself of very little value.  I know He thinks so.  In my head.  But, sometimes I wonder......what about anyone else?  Why am I so hard to love?  Why?  Am I really that bad?  So bad that only God can possibly?  And what makes other people so easy to love?  Or, maybe it's that some people love other people easily?  Maybe I'm a person who loves easily but for some reason am not easily loved?
I don't know. But, I yam what I yam.  So.....have to walk on from here.
grace to you.