Lately, I've studied a lot about self protection. Especially emotional protection. I've learned a lot. But the bottom line for me is that it all has to hinge on my leaning on the God who knows me. However....He gave me a brain and wisdom and I think that He expects me to use it.
But, here is what I've learned. Most things....I don't have to fight. But, sometimes, my job is to get myself into a healthier, more stable situation. So, while I AM separating. And while I AM doing so to protect my person and emotions. I don't have to battle about my rights. Unless I want to. ;)
For instance, imagine my surprise today to see a nearly 3400 withdrawal from the account that is still our joint checking account. I actually called the bank thinking that it was a mistake. It was a payment to pay off a credit card. All well and good. He paid off the one thing that HE was left to take care of using money that we had received JOINTLY to share as our tax refund. He has told me how I won't have enough money and how I won't be able to do it.....while offering me half of what he makes to take care of four of us while there will only be him. And he is going to live in a home share. Cheap. The kids are with me. 365 nights a year. Hmmmm. And I'm not saying that he isn't being generous. He's giving more than he would be forced to with child support....but then again, way less than he would be giving for spousal support.
I was floored. I know that he doesn't know that I know. Doesn't realize that I do online banking...so I check my balances fairly frequently. What is the great part though? I had already written him an email telling him to take me off of our joint credit card. (the one he paid off). AND that I would not be using the checking account anymore. That I appreciated the first installment of his child support and I would just wait for him to decide how much of the tax refund to share. I had already decided that I had a provider. That I am going to be just fine. I had already started singing, "there will be showers of blessings..." as I sat with my budget and prayed over it. My needs are already met. Whether I see it yet or not.
And I'm glad that it happened in that order. Because if I had first seen what he had done....I would have been mad. I am carrying all of the debt for getting our boys into an apartment and for college. I took all of the college loans. I am paying off the work I had done on my son's car. I am paying off airline tickets. My choice. I don't mind putting out the money for my kids. God is their provider....maybe through me. Maybe through other ways. And I am ok with having just enough. With working it out. A lot to pay off. Yes. Yet....what is the price of change? Of learning to live with how God made me to live? With faith and thanksgiving? Because for my nearly ex.....enough is never enough. Always worried. That's why he took what he did. Because then he has less obligation and can rest easier. I will rest easy. I am a child of the King. The King feeds and cares for me and mine.
So, what could have been bad was made ok....because I had already figured out that I wasn't going to protect myself by demanding money. Love how it worked out.
Now....the way I am protecting myself.....is changing my living situation. But ya know, that came after a long time of praying and working and hoping and believing the best. Finally I knew that it was either separate or deny who God made me to be and lose her for good. I choose who He created. And I look forward to seeing her grow.
blessings.
But, here is what I've learned. Most things....I don't have to fight. But, sometimes, my job is to get myself into a healthier, more stable situation. So, while I AM separating. And while I AM doing so to protect my person and emotions. I don't have to battle about my rights. Unless I want to. ;)
For instance, imagine my surprise today to see a nearly 3400 withdrawal from the account that is still our joint checking account. I actually called the bank thinking that it was a mistake. It was a payment to pay off a credit card. All well and good. He paid off the one thing that HE was left to take care of using money that we had received JOINTLY to share as our tax refund. He has told me how I won't have enough money and how I won't be able to do it.....while offering me half of what he makes to take care of four of us while there will only be him. And he is going to live in a home share. Cheap. The kids are with me. 365 nights a year. Hmmmm. And I'm not saying that he isn't being generous. He's giving more than he would be forced to with child support....but then again, way less than he would be giving for spousal support.
I was floored. I know that he doesn't know that I know. Doesn't realize that I do online banking...so I check my balances fairly frequently. What is the great part though? I had already written him an email telling him to take me off of our joint credit card. (the one he paid off). AND that I would not be using the checking account anymore. That I appreciated the first installment of his child support and I would just wait for him to decide how much of the tax refund to share. I had already decided that I had a provider. That I am going to be just fine. I had already started singing, "there will be showers of blessings..." as I sat with my budget and prayed over it. My needs are already met. Whether I see it yet or not.
And I'm glad that it happened in that order. Because if I had first seen what he had done....I would have been mad. I am carrying all of the debt for getting our boys into an apartment and for college. I took all of the college loans. I am paying off the work I had done on my son's car. I am paying off airline tickets. My choice. I don't mind putting out the money for my kids. God is their provider....maybe through me. Maybe through other ways. And I am ok with having just enough. With working it out. A lot to pay off. Yes. Yet....what is the price of change? Of learning to live with how God made me to live? With faith and thanksgiving? Because for my nearly ex.....enough is never enough. Always worried. That's why he took what he did. Because then he has less obligation and can rest easier. I will rest easy. I am a child of the King. The King feeds and cares for me and mine.
So, what could have been bad was made ok....because I had already figured out that I wasn't going to protect myself by demanding money. Love how it worked out.
Now....the way I am protecting myself.....is changing my living situation. But ya know, that came after a long time of praying and working and hoping and believing the best. Finally I knew that it was either separate or deny who God made me to be and lose her for good. I choose who He created. And I look forward to seeing her grow.
blessings.
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