feet up

hard work.  feels good.  kinda tired.  but happy.  haven't even begun on the renovating...only the tear apart and put the furniture in one room part.  but i've made it comfy.  that's nice.

happy.

though i am tired.  though i spent the entire day on my own.  had not one moment of adult conversation.  none.  well...i could include talking to myself while i was moving the piano and pool table?  most of the day i was all alone without my teens as well.  wow.  images of what is to come.  though it's odd.  different.  not what i imagined.  though i had different hopes for my life.  i have determined that i will create happiness.  not only that, but joy.  i have decided that i will not wallow in self pity nor will i wish for what isn't.  i will simply move forward into each day and find good where i may.  purposefully.  intentionally.  every day.  

i will rest when i need to.  i will work hard too.  

i will learn to enjoy change.  and i will stick to what i need to do.  i will be proud of myself. not self condemning.  but i will also be truthful with myself.  i have a lot of things to work on.  i AM working on them.  i will not feel shame for needing to work on them.  i'm not there yet....and that's ok.

my feet are up.  i'm kinda tired.  ok.  really tired.  gonna be sore tomorrow.  i think that i'll have a glass of wine and watch a show.  

the by product of my effort?  i made a place in my home that i actually feel....at home...besides for my bedroom or kitchen.  now THAT'S  a productive day.

you are not alone you know...there are a lot of other christian women who have "failed".  and though the world becomes a strange and different place as you update your place and value and purpose....it is still a good place.  and god still has a plan for you.

blessings.