living

i am finally living.  not surviving.  not simply going through the motions.  though, i have to admit, i've been really tired this week with going back to school and still having a college student at home.  but, still, i'm not only living...i'm evaluating what i want based on who i am.  i am actually thinking through what brings me joy and what feeds my soul.  i'm am thinking of how to live my life honoring those things that are part of how i was made.
one thing i have learned is that i am simply not made to run all of the time.  i enjoy traveling, but even that is something that i savor at a leisurely pace.  being constantly pushed and always having to perform and finding competition to be the norm and that life is about making a living rather than a life...i'm not into it.  not at all.  i crave slowing down.  and, while i can't change my current environment, i am changing my own attitude and habits.  i'm letting go and taking a breath and choosing to slow life down.  i can't change what is around me, but i can change what is within me.
i choose joy.  and peace.  i choose to daily think upon what matters.  really matters.  i choose to look upon my whims and even a few whimsies...for life is short and time goes quickly.
i love certain decorating styles. yet, have never tried them.
i adore the beach, yet, i have never lived there.
i love hidden areas in gardens, yet i have none.
so.  there are things that i need to think upon.
i love working peacefully. teaching children wholeheartedly.  not the paperwork.  not the data.  those things elude me.
so.  how will i live?  i want to live wisely.  smartly.  kindly.  gently.
i want to live.
i will live.
thrive.
not survive.
i will create the life that i was created for.
blessings.