what environment do i want to create? hopeful. peaceful. kind. generous. gentle. open. vulnerable. loving. genuine.
stress does not accommodate those things. it destroys them. same and even moreso for worry.
so i am learning to remember that circumstances don't last, but the results of choices that i make during the circumstances do. i am learning to choose how to respond when difficult things happen.
and for some reason they come all in a row usually. sickness, finances, emotions, relationships. bang bang bang bang. and if i'm not careful, i've given up my design...my purposeful creating of something different. i don't want to do that. don't want to be like the waves of the ocean. i want to be steady.
i called my ex on the phone today. big step for me. huge. massive. i was ever so brave. he answered. guess he was brave too. i called to tell him how sick our daughter is. it was hard for me. he seems so disconnected to such things. and, i guess that i wish that he had made a better relationship with her. i told her this evening that i had called and let him know how sick she is. but you know...i kind of thought he would have called, texted, emailed, or facebooked. ya know?? something. about her. about making her day. because she's a little down. missing her friends. her activities. her...life.
and my son? started coughing today. really tired. sigh. and though it's unlikely that he has whooping cough...since TWO immunized kids in one family getting it would be..odd...it is making us all antsy. you can feel it. and i'm trying to just be kind. get him rest. do the mom stuff of niceness. and maybe it's awful, but if he's sick...even with something else..it would be nice if they were home together. they both miss each other this year..him when she was doing basketball everyday and her now with him going to school and her being home alone.
and she's scared to be at home.
and i've been doing taxes. to get fafsa done. for THREE kids. yikes. really. yikes. it will get done, but it's all a little overwhelming for some reason. actually i have four going to be in college...but one does his own.
and school..data. need i say more? and meetings. and a little boy that i cried about today. and another one that i could cry about. and i pray for them. and hope for them. and use so much emotional energy willing them to make it. to thrive. to know that they are loved. valuable. valued. and i don't even know how to express it to others. not even a little bit.
and yet, i'm making it with a good attitude. and when i begin to slip, i evaluate. and decide. because i want to create a life that is full of good.
i was brave today.
in so very many ways.
and while there's nobody to celebrate with...
that doesn't keep me from celebrating what is true and good.
so i will.
and i will go to bed early.
blessings.
stress does not accommodate those things. it destroys them. same and even moreso for worry.
so i am learning to remember that circumstances don't last, but the results of choices that i make during the circumstances do. i am learning to choose how to respond when difficult things happen.
and for some reason they come all in a row usually. sickness, finances, emotions, relationships. bang bang bang bang. and if i'm not careful, i've given up my design...my purposeful creating of something different. i don't want to do that. don't want to be like the waves of the ocean. i want to be steady.
i called my ex on the phone today. big step for me. huge. massive. i was ever so brave. he answered. guess he was brave too. i called to tell him how sick our daughter is. it was hard for me. he seems so disconnected to such things. and, i guess that i wish that he had made a better relationship with her. i told her this evening that i had called and let him know how sick she is. but you know...i kind of thought he would have called, texted, emailed, or facebooked. ya know?? something. about her. about making her day. because she's a little down. missing her friends. her activities. her...life.
and my son? started coughing today. really tired. sigh. and though it's unlikely that he has whooping cough...since TWO immunized kids in one family getting it would be..odd...it is making us all antsy. you can feel it. and i'm trying to just be kind. get him rest. do the mom stuff of niceness. and maybe it's awful, but if he's sick...even with something else..it would be nice if they were home together. they both miss each other this year..him when she was doing basketball everyday and her now with him going to school and her being home alone.
and she's scared to be at home.
and i've been doing taxes. to get fafsa done. for THREE kids. yikes. really. yikes. it will get done, but it's all a little overwhelming for some reason. actually i have four going to be in college...but one does his own.
and school..data. need i say more? and meetings. and a little boy that i cried about today. and another one that i could cry about. and i pray for them. and hope for them. and use so much emotional energy willing them to make it. to thrive. to know that they are loved. valuable. valued. and i don't even know how to express it to others. not even a little bit.
and yet, i'm making it with a good attitude. and when i begin to slip, i evaluate. and decide. because i want to create a life that is full of good.
i was brave today.
in so very many ways.
and while there's nobody to celebrate with...
that doesn't keep me from celebrating what is true and good.
so i will.
and i will go to bed early.
blessings.
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