friends

while i find myself in a place in life where i don't quite fit in.  where people are not in the same place of life as i.  where i don't exactly draw people to wanting to hang out with me.  while these are all true....it's also true that i still have friends.  i know beautiful, wonderful people.  they are kind and gentle.  they give their hearts to others.  they are on journeys as well.  and while our journeys differ vastly right now, i am still, daily, thankful for them.  they make my life fuller.  richer.  they make me hopeful that one day i'll make it back to a place where i am more fun to be around.  these friends show me how good good can be.
no, i'm not the one invited, texted, called, visited.  not right now.  but just in case you think that i am isolated or without benefit of knowing good folks....i am not.  i am blessed by some amazing, creative, lovely souls.
and i know that at some point i will be one of those lovely souls again.
for now....i think that i'm just a drain to them.  that's ok.  i'm learning how to move ever forward.  i'll get there.  balance is coming.
i've had to do a lot of firsts this last year.  i've whined quite a lot.  cussed.  been rather.....unpleasant.  on the other hand......i have been real!  that's progress. now, to get to the point where real and pleasant are hand in hand.
time helps.
and my friends....they'll be around.  even if right now things are weird.
blessings.