Angry has a place. Not a lasting place. It needs to be dealt with. It needs to be acknowledged. I am angry at this moment. More than one thing. More than one person. Not my norm.
My husband intercepts mail. He opens mine. He holds onto it. Then, he throws it on the bed. I gather it. I realize that he kept my Kohl's bill for a month. It's late now. It could have been paid. The whole bill was $27. Seriously? Then, he took a letter that came regarding our son in college. A package was to be sent for a special party going on during finals week. He opened it. Put on fridge. Never said anything. Certainly never did anything. I waited. I hope he would do it. Nope. I mailed the package today. He doesn't get how to give to someone else. Unless it is for show. Unless there's "credit". I don't get it. He doesn't call his son. But if I do, he wants his son to ask for him on the phone. And, where does he get off opening my mail? I mean, if he planned on paying the bill that would be nice, but why open it if not? Nosy?
Then, today he calls and asks if I'm planning a vacation in the next month because he has time he has to take off of work and didn't want to miss it if I was. Really? We haven't gone on vacation together in quite some time. On top of that I get to be asked again about the old guys Bible Study brunch. Still not going. Nope. Thanks. I finally said, "really, what do you think?"
The thing is that he can be so......charming. So....determined. But he lost the ability to manipulate me with that. I finally figured out why I felt so suffocated. So used. And I don't want to go back to it.
I do wish that he could actually see his children. Not for what they are supposed to give him, but for what he could be to. them. Someone who truly cares more about them than himself. They feel like his number one concern in life is money. Not them. They are afraid to ask him for anything. My daughter talks about her friend that adores her "daddy"....and I hear the longing in her voice. It's so hard. But I can't fix it. I can only give them mama love. I can only let them know that they are indeed amazing individuals with exciting futures ahead. I can only let them know that there is a heavenly daddy that listens all of the time.
There's so much more. I just don't want to barf it all up. I just wonder why in the world I allowed myself to get so wrapped up in someone that was so obviously self centered. The kids and I work as a family. He bops in and out...but he always functions as an individual. Wow. Too bad for him. He has missed out on what I count as the most wonderful part of my life ever.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Forgive. Go on. Call it what it is. Don't dwell on it anymore. Tonight is going to be an awesome night at a ladies boutique selling a friend's handcrafted items. I'll focus on the amazing. And let go of that which ties me to pain.
grace to you.
My husband intercepts mail. He opens mine. He holds onto it. Then, he throws it on the bed. I gather it. I realize that he kept my Kohl's bill for a month. It's late now. It could have been paid. The whole bill was $27. Seriously? Then, he took a letter that came regarding our son in college. A package was to be sent for a special party going on during finals week. He opened it. Put on fridge. Never said anything. Certainly never did anything. I waited. I hope he would do it. Nope. I mailed the package today. He doesn't get how to give to someone else. Unless it is for show. Unless there's "credit". I don't get it. He doesn't call his son. But if I do, he wants his son to ask for him on the phone. And, where does he get off opening my mail? I mean, if he planned on paying the bill that would be nice, but why open it if not? Nosy?
Then, today he calls and asks if I'm planning a vacation in the next month because he has time he has to take off of work and didn't want to miss it if I was. Really? We haven't gone on vacation together in quite some time. On top of that I get to be asked again about the old guys Bible Study brunch. Still not going. Nope. Thanks. I finally said, "really, what do you think?"
The thing is that he can be so......charming. So....determined. But he lost the ability to manipulate me with that. I finally figured out why I felt so suffocated. So used. And I don't want to go back to it.
I do wish that he could actually see his children. Not for what they are supposed to give him, but for what he could be to. them. Someone who truly cares more about them than himself. They feel like his number one concern in life is money. Not them. They are afraid to ask him for anything. My daughter talks about her friend that adores her "daddy"....and I hear the longing in her voice. It's so hard. But I can't fix it. I can only give them mama love. I can only let them know that they are indeed amazing individuals with exciting futures ahead. I can only let them know that there is a heavenly daddy that listens all of the time.
There's so much more. I just don't want to barf it all up. I just wonder why in the world I allowed myself to get so wrapped up in someone that was so obviously self centered. The kids and I work as a family. He bops in and out...but he always functions as an individual. Wow. Too bad for him. He has missed out on what I count as the most wonderful part of my life ever.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Forgive. Go on. Call it what it is. Don't dwell on it anymore. Tonight is going to be an awesome night at a ladies boutique selling a friend's handcrafted items. I'll focus on the amazing. And let go of that which ties me to pain.
grace to you.
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