I needed to talk to someone..but when I do, I become less able. So, I sit and kill time. And wait to feel better. To heal up a little bit. I keep thinking that I'm getting better able to do so. But, if I am, why can't I when I am hurting the most? Why can't I say how desperate I feel? How I need to be comforted? Why do I find other things to talk about. Avoid what is nearly choking me? But I can't. Just can't do it.
I want to sit down and just look someone in the eye and say how hurt I am. But it just feels stupid.
I am a word person. Words put my life in order. Give it form and shape. I need to hear that I'm still loved. Though I've failed so badly. Though I can't make Mr. Perfect happy by being me. Me is not acceptable.
Sigh. Big, big sigh.
Just so weary.
grace to you.
I want to sit down and just look someone in the eye and say how hurt I am. But it just feels stupid.
I am a word person. Words put my life in order. Give it form and shape. I need to hear that I'm still loved. Though I've failed so badly. Though I can't make Mr. Perfect happy by being me. Me is not acceptable.
Sigh. Big, big sigh.
Just so weary.
grace to you.
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