I'm at the airport awaiting the arrival of my college son that I haven't seen since August. This being December, the time is long overdue. So, I'm here, not as early as I usually am because I went to enjoy a Christmas program at church. I'm not all that comfortable there, yet I felt like I needed to stay for a bit. And, to my complete delight there was a 28 year old friend who is home from Swaziland. Totally jet lagged and so glad to see me. I'm sure that we were disruptive. We hugged long. It was so good. It was a God thing. She needed me to see her. I needed her to see me. These things are amazing in how they come to be. I loved those moments. She is so real. And I was too. She asked what happened why I wasn't around so much at church...I said nothing really happened...she called me a liar and I told her the truth. Love that young lady.
I got it twice....how proud I must be of my husband. What a wonderful man he is. I am so lucky. I smiled my fake smile...they didn't notice....and all was well. They were happy to have let me know how blessed I am to be his wife and I was ok. I didn't flee and I didn't lose it. But, it still shakes me.
My life may not look like I hoped. Not even close. But it is a good life. My marriage didn't turn out to be one of mutual respect and kindness and compassion. But still, I get to choose who I am. How I behave.
I am so proud of my kids these days. Mostly. Still some rough spots. One son who struggles on the line all of the time. But always comes to his senses. Hasn't ever gotten in any trouble. Just suffers from lack of a male role model. From a sense of low self worth. And, this week has been hard on him...he had settled in with his brothers gone and now I know that he feels jealous and he doesn't know how to put it to words. His brother is coming home and he's afraid that he won't be as important. But he is. Everything in life shifts.
This son that is coming home has a special place of his own. But, his place within our family is more fluid now. Changing. I know it. But, I am so thankful for this time we will have to visit. He goes to school 1200 miles away. I miss his face. I miss his helpful, kind spirit. I miss him. But I'm glad that he's where he is. It was time. And he is following God's plan and leading in his life.
So, here I sit, waiting and people watching. Waiting til I see that familiar face. I love the airport. So much to observe. So much to enjoy. Yes, I can type without looking. I'm one of those old folks who took classes on how to actually puttheir fingers in the right spot and work from there. It has come in very handy.;)
It was an emotionally hard day. I managed it knowing that there was this lovely reward at the end. And it's almost here!!!!
grace to you.
I got it twice....how proud I must be of my husband. What a wonderful man he is. I am so lucky. I smiled my fake smile...they didn't notice....and all was well. They were happy to have let me know how blessed I am to be his wife and I was ok. I didn't flee and I didn't lose it. But, it still shakes me.
My life may not look like I hoped. Not even close. But it is a good life. My marriage didn't turn out to be one of mutual respect and kindness and compassion. But still, I get to choose who I am. How I behave.
I am so proud of my kids these days. Mostly. Still some rough spots. One son who struggles on the line all of the time. But always comes to his senses. Hasn't ever gotten in any trouble. Just suffers from lack of a male role model. From a sense of low self worth. And, this week has been hard on him...he had settled in with his brothers gone and now I know that he feels jealous and he doesn't know how to put it to words. His brother is coming home and he's afraid that he won't be as important. But he is. Everything in life shifts.
This son that is coming home has a special place of his own. But, his place within our family is more fluid now. Changing. I know it. But, I am so thankful for this time we will have to visit. He goes to school 1200 miles away. I miss his face. I miss his helpful, kind spirit. I miss him. But I'm glad that he's where he is. It was time. And he is following God's plan and leading in his life.
So, here I sit, waiting and people watching. Waiting til I see that familiar face. I love the airport. So much to observe. So much to enjoy. Yes, I can type without looking. I'm one of those old folks who took classes on how to actually puttheir fingers in the right spot and work from there. It has come in very handy.;)
It was an emotionally hard day. I managed it knowing that there was this lovely reward at the end. And it's almost here!!!!
grace to you.
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