It was a hard morning. I had such a huge sense of loss. But, again, making choices. Choosing what is good. Played word game with a friend's brother online.....for hours. Pure craziness. My brain was numb. But it was SO fun. Relaxing. Challenging. Not at all intimidating. Not cut throat at all though very competitive. Enjoyable. Whew. Made my day better. What a blessing.
And, I took a Jung Personality Test. Wow. That's an eye opener. I'm one of the two rarest personality types. Says a lot about why I've always felt.....different. But who I am is good. And I like her. Though she IS definitely different. I think that people either like me or don't. Seriously. It's very black and white. Generally. So those few who slip in and fake it confuse me. I'm used to knowing where I stand. But, I really let one in who fooled me. I thought he liked me. Thought that who I was made him want to make a life with me. But what he has really wanted is for me to make a life FOR him. Not with him. He wants me to carry the load. Hold him up. Make him feel good on every front. hahahaha. No innuendo intended. Though....
I digress. But reading my profile was an aha moment. It made me see who I am and why I behave the way that I do. And why it hurts me so deeply to have him behave callously toward me.
A good day. A choice. God blessed the choice. And, I am praying for this blog...for those of you who read. I don't have anything life changing. I just know how good it feels to find a place where it feels like someone "gets it." To finally hear someone else voice the words that you have been thinking. To see in print the wishes, fears, desires........I know. Because I've been there. I'm still there. Whenever I find a place that lets me glimpse into another life that is similar, it gives me a moment where I feel like less of a failure. A little bit. It reminds me that this is not all my fault. And....that even if it is, I am still worthy of being loved. Of being respected. Of being given to. Yep, I'm praying for you.
grace to you.
And, I took a Jung Personality Test. Wow. That's an eye opener. I'm one of the two rarest personality types. Says a lot about why I've always felt.....different. But who I am is good. And I like her. Though she IS definitely different. I think that people either like me or don't. Seriously. It's very black and white. Generally. So those few who slip in and fake it confuse me. I'm used to knowing where I stand. But, I really let one in who fooled me. I thought he liked me. Thought that who I was made him want to make a life with me. But what he has really wanted is for me to make a life FOR him. Not with him. He wants me to carry the load. Hold him up. Make him feel good on every front. hahahaha. No innuendo intended. Though....
I digress. But reading my profile was an aha moment. It made me see who I am and why I behave the way that I do. And why it hurts me so deeply to have him behave callously toward me.
A good day. A choice. God blessed the choice. And, I am praying for this blog...for those of you who read. I don't have anything life changing. I just know how good it feels to find a place where it feels like someone "gets it." To finally hear someone else voice the words that you have been thinking. To see in print the wishes, fears, desires........I know. Because I've been there. I'm still there. Whenever I find a place that lets me glimpse into another life that is similar, it gives me a moment where I feel like less of a failure. A little bit. It reminds me that this is not all my fault. And....that even if it is, I am still worthy of being loved. Of being respected. Of being given to. Yep, I'm praying for you.
grace to you.
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