Psalm 143:7-8 (NIV) Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. [8] Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
Sometimes....often....God throws the right verses right at me. To look at again. To rest on. Here I am. Waiting for the way to go. I feel guilty still for the way I want to go.
He made me agree that things could change...of course, I KNOW that anything can change. Hitler could have had an epiphane and become a humanitarian. Anything is POSSIBLE. But not necessarily likely. I want out. With every cell of my being. And while it makes me feel guilty....it is the only thought that keeps me sane. That there is a way out. Like seeing a bit of light when stuck in a dark cavern and knowing that there is hope of finding the way out.
Funny how he had no interest until things really quit being in his favor. But even now, as bad as it is, he doesn't turn from how and what he wants me to be. I am still supposed to be the one to change. He has changed his language to add words that sound like we are at the counselors. He throws them in. But followed by threatening words, they don't have quite the same meaning. Telling me that I don't have a choice. That I have to do things because he is my husband....well, it makes me want to say "you can't force me....but I can make you quit being my husband."
grace to you.
Sometimes....often....God throws the right verses right at me. To look at again. To rest on. Here I am. Waiting for the way to go. I feel guilty still for the way I want to go.
He made me agree that things could change...of course, I KNOW that anything can change. Hitler could have had an epiphane and become a humanitarian. Anything is POSSIBLE. But not necessarily likely. I want out. With every cell of my being. And while it makes me feel guilty....it is the only thought that keeps me sane. That there is a way out. Like seeing a bit of light when stuck in a dark cavern and knowing that there is hope of finding the way out.
Funny how he had no interest until things really quit being in his favor. But even now, as bad as it is, he doesn't turn from how and what he wants me to be. I am still supposed to be the one to change. He has changed his language to add words that sound like we are at the counselors. He throws them in. But followed by threatening words, they don't have quite the same meaning. Telling me that I don't have a choice. That I have to do things because he is my husband....well, it makes me want to say "you can't force me....but I can make you quit being my husband."
grace to you.
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