Rituals

You know, I used to have rituals.  Things I did every night.  Got ready for bed.  Things I did that were for me.  Somehow, getting married took all of those away.  I didn't even realize it until today.  Well, maybe I did, but I didn't put it in conscious thought.  But, today as I was putting away my bedding, I realized that it is comforting to me at night to "get ready" for bed.  To have time to get ready for resting.  I have to put out my bedding now.  And, since I'm having headaches, I have various things that I make sure are nearby for my convenience.  Having the time to wind down.  It's really necessary for me.  Not always.  Like everyone, sometimes I just CRASH.  But, overall, it feels good to give myself this kind of time again.
I am learning to rest.  To enjoy the moment.  To not constantly worry about what the consequences will be.  Because I can't do anything to change how someone else will behave.  Period.
Silly rituals.  Fun things that I do.  Things that are me.  I'm remembering this woman that I like.  She was fun to be with.  I think I'll be loving getting to know her again.  And these rituals help me in that.  I allowed myself to become someone other than the woman I admired.  That's a mistake.  Huge.
Now, time for some reading.  Bedding out.  Caffeinated beverage placed nearby.  Ready to rest.  In my own time.  I had to have time to just be alone tonight.  To write.  To enjoy the the quiet.  That's something else I'm coming back to.  That woman that I was deserved more than I gave her.  I'm going to do better from here on out.
grace to you.