With Courage

I was brave tonight.  It doesn't mean that I enjoyed the uncomfortable parts, but I went to a big event, socialized with the people from church and didn't once allow the "guilt" feelings to override the fact that I am allowed to be there.  My husband sang with the back up singers for the woman doing the music.  He hung around me.  I had some moments where I was freezing cold.  Nervous.  I got cornered a few times.  Asked what I've been up to.  Why I'm not around.  It's hard.  I want to be kind about it all.  But sometimes I just wanna say, "because my marriage sucks and it's just too hard to sit here and pretend that everything is ok....".Blah.
But the night was GOOD.  Mostly, because my friend's art show was a great success.  It was so gratifying to see people "get" what she made.  A lot of fun.  And also good because I had the courage to suck it up and do it.  Go and not just help get it ready, but stick it out.  Kinda mingle.  All on my own.  Of course....with a camera in hand.  That makes it easier.  But, I walked with courage.  I chose to do what I wanted without being influenced by others' feelings or attitudes.
Yippee!!!  It was a blessing.  Little victories.
Of course, my husband was so helpful there but went ahead and drove the car home on empty knowing that I have to leave early with out son who has a morning race.  Funny how that helpfulness is so much more around others.  Why bother, I wonder.  Oh well.  Guess he needs it.
Courage.  Knowing something is going to be scary and doing it anyway.  That's me.  I'm one courageous mama.
grace to you.