Well, I got dragged off of my couch about five pm. I even had to put on a bra. A friend texted. She wanted to get out. Wanted to come pick me up. I had a great time....but then, I had been having a great time already. Nothing special. But, I was relaxed. He was gone all day. I didn't worry about him showing up. He works Sunday...during the big game. I know that when I am in that place that I should "get movin'", but I just couldn't today. I'm learning to give myself time. I've always pushed. Worked at doing what I knew he wanted. Now I'm trying to be more still. Waiting to see what it is that I actually want.
I'm not sure that I actually wanted to go out tonight. Though it was very nice. I was pretty tired. Hadn't done anything but was tired. Sometimes though, getting moving to meet the needs of someone else is good for me too. I still wasn't productive. But it gave her a sense of comfort.
I don't have to be moving to be growing, learning and making progress. A lot of what happens is in my attitude, prayers, hopes, dreams, goals and simply thinking.
But my whole marriage has always been based on get going...keep going....do more. So, what I am currently working at is not doing to satisfy someone else. I am learning to be willing to just not do. To let some things go. To be a little lazy. Not forever. Just for a time. To rest my heart. My mind. My body. To allow myself to heal. To let go of the mindset that a good life is in constant motion.
I am changing. In ways I choose. To who I am. And who I want to be. It's slow. A bit painful. Sometimes more than a bit. But it's good. Very good. I am pleased.
grace to you.
I'm not sure that I actually wanted to go out tonight. Though it was very nice. I was pretty tired. Hadn't done anything but was tired. Sometimes though, getting moving to meet the needs of someone else is good for me too. I still wasn't productive. But it gave her a sense of comfort.
I don't have to be moving to be growing, learning and making progress. A lot of what happens is in my attitude, prayers, hopes, dreams, goals and simply thinking.
But my whole marriage has always been based on get going...keep going....do more. So, what I am currently working at is not doing to satisfy someone else. I am learning to be willing to just not do. To let some things go. To be a little lazy. Not forever. Just for a time. To rest my heart. My mind. My body. To allow myself to heal. To let go of the mindset that a good life is in constant motion.
I am changing. In ways I choose. To who I am. And who I want to be. It's slow. A bit painful. Sometimes more than a bit. But it's good. Very good. I am pleased.
grace to you.
Grace,
ReplyDeleteIt's good that you give yourself time. Time is, like you said, a very good thing. When I went through my divorce I tried to give myself time, but the physical toll on my body got the best of me. I had several bouts of severe sickness and hospitalizations from being worn down. I share this because some day you may doubt yourself for having been kind to yourself, and wonder if you should have forged ahead at a quicker pace. Be assured, taking the time you need is best for you. Keep listening to that still small voice within you, as He reveals His plan for you and your children. You make me proud.
A Faithful Reader