When I went to church yesterday, I got myself in the middle of a pew with people on both ends. Protected from the possibility of my husband coming and sitting right beside me. It helped. Because it was a tough day. But, as the service went on and he would be looking at me from up in choir, I began to feel rather ill. This is becoming a hallmark of when he stresses me these days. Pain in back and side. Up my neck. Horrible, sharp pain in my head. I was getting increasingly uncomfortable. And then, my friend was going to leave after worship to go to her sunday school class. She leaned over to ask me if I would be ok. At that moment, it was like all hell broke loose in my body. The pain increased. I was stunned. I said I wasn't fine. That's huge for me. I immediately regretted it. Because she should do what she wants and needs to do. However, suddenly, my "safe" place felt like a trap. I couldn't easily get out. I was having that cold, sweating feeling. Stuck. Trapped. Hurting. Scared.
But something good happened. Something that I realize has happened way too infrequently in my marriage. After I said that I wasn't fine, I wrote my friend a note and told her to go ahead and go. That she should do what she needed to. Because, though she is very kind to me, it is not her job to carry all of my current garbage. And, in my marriage, my husband wouldn't have looked back. I like to let people have or do what they need. He likes to do what he wants. He would have walked away. He has done so many times. But, my friend is so much kinder. She stayed. The love I felt was beyond description. It was healing to my hurting soul. She thought of me and my heart. She saw me. She got the depth of my hurt. And though she can't make it all better. Though she isn't responsible to fix anything. She did what she could. She stayed beside me and helped me make it through. What a picture of friendship. Amazing. A gift. I am thankful.
grace to you....I gotta go take kids to school....
But something good happened. Something that I realize has happened way too infrequently in my marriage. After I said that I wasn't fine, I wrote my friend a note and told her to go ahead and go. That she should do what she needed to. Because, though she is very kind to me, it is not her job to carry all of my current garbage. And, in my marriage, my husband wouldn't have looked back. I like to let people have or do what they need. He likes to do what he wants. He would have walked away. He has done so many times. But, my friend is so much kinder. She stayed. The love I felt was beyond description. It was healing to my hurting soul. She thought of me and my heart. She saw me. She got the depth of my hurt. And though she can't make it all better. Though she isn't responsible to fix anything. She did what she could. She stayed beside me and helped me make it through. What a picture of friendship. Amazing. A gift. I am thankful.
grace to you....I gotta go take kids to school....
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