Taking Time

I'm glad that I have been and am taking my time with my "process".  Though it's crazy hard too.  I need the time to grieve.  It washes over me sometimes when I least expect it.  Grieving continuing to try if nothing else.  It's just a hard thing.  And yet, the more time I take, the more certain I am.  I kind of thought that I would back out, back up or change my mind.  But I more and more completely see that how I have been living is unhealthy.  And, I see the good ahead.  Yes, even for my kids.  Though it would have been nice to have kept them in a one home family, we can still keep them loved by two parents.  We can still give them stability.  Well, I can.  Even better when I can actually get a decent night's sleep.
I'm happy that this process has been a process.  As painful as it is.  Because it allows me to work through my thoughts and feelings.  It allows me to be mindful.  To face each problem each question each step.  But I'm kinda ready for it to be over.  I'm tired.  It takes a lot of energy to think things through.  To decide.  For sure.  Finally.  Now I just want him to move out.  Like...tonight.
But I realize that he has to process too.
grace.