Spending more time reading this morning really wore me out. Talk about the hardest kinds of work. They have a lot less to do with exercise than with emotions. Dealing with real life is hard work. And good work. So now I'm down on the couch with my feet up. Resting.
Two days from now I will do my paperwork. But today I did the HARD work. I dealt with how I need to change. How I need to find joy. Find who I am. Remember who I am. And the "Should I Stay or Should I Go" books has exercises to help me to do just that.
One thing I'm supposed to do is to remember what brought me joy. What I loved doing. I love being at the beach. In the quiet. Hearing the waves. Reading a book. So, in a couple of weeks, I'm going to go there and do that. I gave myself the luxury of a place on the beach since it's winter and I won't want to be walking too much in the cold. It was $100 extra dollars to be right on the beach as opposed to two blocks away. I agonized. And then....of course, after doing my reading.....I realized that I had to allow myself to have what I needed to have some healing moments. So, I have the house. And I am working on the time. I didn't take the extra night...couldn't justify it. But, I have two nights. My son will be there. It will be good.
And another thing I remembered is that I used to LOVE gardening. I am not as strong now, but that is not what took away my joy. It was the constant battle. Wore me out. Made it not worth it. I remembered today how much I enjoyed it when I was throwing away things that should be in my compost....that I always tried to have but was always taken away for chickens or his projects. And somehow.....most of the joy just finally seeped away. I used to picture what my yard could look like. Now I just hope that what I have survives the chickens. It's crazy.
And photography. I used to take tons of pictures.
It is time. Time to get to who I am. Time to take care of my good friend...me.
grace to you.
Two days from now I will do my paperwork. But today I did the HARD work. I dealt with how I need to change. How I need to find joy. Find who I am. Remember who I am. And the "Should I Stay or Should I Go" books has exercises to help me to do just that.
One thing I'm supposed to do is to remember what brought me joy. What I loved doing. I love being at the beach. In the quiet. Hearing the waves. Reading a book. So, in a couple of weeks, I'm going to go there and do that. I gave myself the luxury of a place on the beach since it's winter and I won't want to be walking too much in the cold. It was $100 extra dollars to be right on the beach as opposed to two blocks away. I agonized. And then....of course, after doing my reading.....I realized that I had to allow myself to have what I needed to have some healing moments. So, I have the house. And I am working on the time. I didn't take the extra night...couldn't justify it. But, I have two nights. My son will be there. It will be good.
And another thing I remembered is that I used to LOVE gardening. I am not as strong now, but that is not what took away my joy. It was the constant battle. Wore me out. Made it not worth it. I remembered today how much I enjoyed it when I was throwing away things that should be in my compost....that I always tried to have but was always taken away for chickens or his projects. And somehow.....most of the joy just finally seeped away. I used to picture what my yard could look like. Now I just hope that what I have survives the chickens. It's crazy.
And photography. I used to take tons of pictures.
It is time. Time to get to who I am. Time to take care of my good friend...me.
grace to you.
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