Didn't Bother

I pulled up an inbox to write to my aunts.  I wanted to tell aunt 1 how much grace and kindness grandpa showed her when I told him that my cousin had walked in on her having an affair with their dentist.  I kid you not.  I was so worried about my cousin and I did the only thing that I knew to do....took it to the one that I knew cared about all of us and who would have the answers.  He didn't condemn her to me.  He didn't act unkindly.  He was quick to say that we don't always understand all of the circumstances.  He made me feel comforted.  We never spoke of it again.  And I knew that it was ok to have shared with him.  She says that she regrets her divorce and that it made her kids go to pieces.  Her kids went to pieces because she was having sex with their dentist in their dentist office......and she got caught.  And she chose to leave their dad.  Whom everyone loved.  And whom she decided she wanted back later.....and he said no.
And I wanted to explain to aunt 2 that communicating on a less than once a year basis isn't really loving me so much that she should be involved in this.   I hadn't heard from her in over a year and a half.  Her idea of what is her responsibility or right should include simply being a part of my life or my kids' lives or even just catching up now and then.  And I wanted to say how I find it hurtful that when I straight out what I need that she backs off and doesn't want to do anything if I'm not willing to listen to her advice.
But, in the end, I didn't bother.  Because really, what is the point?  They will have to figure out on their own that sometimes people just need their needs met.  That they need comfort and compassion.  I can't make them understand that.  It's not my job.  That's a part of their journey.
But it's hard still.  I really wanted to say........don't you understand how hard it is not to have a mom to talk to?  To love me?  But, that is not their job.  Unfortunately and very sadly, it's nobody's job.  It has not been a filled position in over 40 years.  And that's just how it is.
When will christians, as a rule, learn the grace lesson?  When will we all finally realize that we are broken and that the world is broken?  When will the pretending to be the ones that aren't broken end?  I'm not sure, but I wish it would.  Because quite honestly, I'm rather worn out from trying to live with christians who think that being a christian means having it all together.  I don't.  I know that every breath I take is a gift from God Himself.  I know that He sent Jesus to save me.  I know that He sent His Spirit to comfort me.  And I know that I have never done anything worthy of any of those things.  Except for believing it.  And He said that's enough.
So, I'm going to stand on that.  And I'm going to let Him lift my head.  And I'm going to burrow into His arms and rest.  And not worry about all of the others.  They aren't my job.
grace.