Our lives are a journey that we walk together not in order to become "good christian women," but rather to draw near to God so that we can reflect His light to those around us. Our stories, our paths, our dreams and our message are all unique. But we hold hands and walk boldly, fearlessly......onward...creating joy, hope, faith and peace in our wake.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Nothing is Wrong. Everything is Hard.

Nothing is really wrong in my life.  Except for the fact that I can't get my husband out of the house.  And so I don't sleep well.  And this morning he was staring at me and waiting for me to say goodbye to him while I was sleeping.  But I opened my eyes when the front door opened...seeing as how I'm in the living room...and he waited for me to acknowledge him.  Say goodbye.  Notice him.  Shoot, I did the paperwork.  It says to quit bugging the other party after it has been served.  Yikes.
I haven't seen a check withdrawal for his rental.  So....who knows.
And my Easter plans?  Nothing is wrong.  I realized that what has happened with more people coming and all is something that wasn't anyone's fault.  Probably not planned.  It's just that.....I'm worn out from the constant stuff.  I just wanted to chill and not have to worry or wonder or whatever.  My friends are good people.  Even if they don't stay in my life they aren't people that I would consider not my friends....just people who decided to go a different way.
It's a hard time.  I'm cold most of the time.  I can cry at the drop of a hat.  And I feel like there's nobody that I should be turning to.  God.  And that's ok.  He's enough.  But it makes me wonder how life is going to be.  Nonetheless....I'd rather it be that way than how it is with my husband in it.  I am stunned by how much he has hurt me.  And how he won't respect the fact that by pushing my boundaries incessantly, he exacerbates the problem.
I think I need to rest more this week.  I've been working hard....and not getting much done.  Working on painting is healing, but HARD work.
grace

No comments:

Post a Comment

Go ahead. Make my day. Leave me a comment.