Time to Rest

Being sick isn't the trauma it was when I was younger.  Now, it's more like a respite.  Time to just be still.  To be quiet.  To rest.  To just relax and not worry.
This morning I still made bacon for my kids....I had promised.  I still made sure that they were on time to school. Got them out of bed.  My husband was leaving for bible study early.  Saw me.  Realized I was sick...not showered, dressed and ready to work....and said good bye.  Went to bible study.  As he always has.  Somebody else being sick or needy has never touched him unless someone tells him it should.  And today, it came to me that it has always been this way.  His life doesn't get disrupted nor changed nor touched by others or their pain.
It was interesting today.  Because today I realized that his disregard has been so blatant.  And it took me so long to figure it out.  I did what I needed to do....happily.   I might be sick or tired.  But, doing it on my own without expecting him to help is easier than constantly having to note his lack of care.  He acts like he cares.  He follows what others tell him.  But.....just on his own.  No compassion.  No, "go back to bed, I can get the kids there."  Never has been.  And.  That's ok.  It just reminds me of why I'm so done.
grace.