Looking Back

Recently I have gone back to the beginning of my blog to see where I started.  And what's interesting is....I still feel the same way.  I finally know what is true.  I finally understand what his behaviors have done...to me.  Yes, I understood that he was sorry.  Or that he said so,  but what I had to understand is that his behavior HURT me.  It changed my life.  Over and over.  But the other thing I've realized is that I've forgiven.  And am in the process of forgiving day to day.  It's hard to forgive with him in the house.  Because it makes me vulnerable.  But, still, it's who I am.  So, I've been working on that hard thing.  Though it leaves me vulnerable.  And though I have to work hard to remember why I am here.
I have looked back.  There is hard stuff.  And...there is good.  All together.  And both are a part of me.  Of my story.  Of my future.  But how they play out in my future is up to how I choose to live.
And I choose peace.  And joy.  And love.  And kindness.  And growing up.
grace to you.
be blessed today.