Fall is upon us in my area. The temperatures have dropped outdoors. But, our house is warm and cozy. My husband always made us keep it really cold. Uncomfortably so. The kind of cold that had guests asking for blankets. Really. And I lived with it. And for a long time, even tried to support it. But after awhile, it just became indicative of how he felt towards us. It was as if it was ok for us to be really cold. That it didn't matter. Now, we don't keep it above 70. It's just pleasant inside. Warmer than outside. Comfortable enough...but, sometimes we still have on long sleeves.
And, at night, we only put it down to 63 or 64. None of that seeing if we can hit 50. No interest in that. I have had enough really cold mornings to last me a lifetime.
But I'm also trying to build a warm home. A home with kindness. Last night my eldest son at home offered to get my youngest son some fast food when he went out. It was nice to hear. It's coming along. They have things to work out. But, I've been thinking about how hurt they were by their dad's self centeredness. How they probably don't even understand what it was or what hurt them so much. It just built anger and resentment. But, in the now, we can build a warm, inviting home. We really can. A step at a time. Patiently...especially on my part. Kindly.....especially on my part. I am less stressed than I used to be so that is possible. But, just as I can be thrown into painful moments, so can they. And they need a warm, safe, comfortable home to be truly at home in. That last really horrible weekend WAS really horrible. I get so tired of having to walk that tightrope. Of trying to be polite to others regarding my ex since they need to have their own opinions. But, he's not very nice. I could say more, but I won't. He is hurtful towards me particularly. And that weekend made me know that I want to learn, to practice, to choose......to find a way....to live differently. To not have myself nor my kids live in the shadow of that. I want to live in the sun. Storms will come. And I want us to be strong in those times from the calm times. I want to be a blessing to them. To lift them up. I want to be so for my friends as well. And that is hard....because sometimes I really want...need...to rant. To just say how unfair it is that my ex goes into the rental house that I have to take care of and questions where the appliances came from. None of his business. It just needed to be done. Even if it means some sacrifice. Because that's what you do to help the people that live in your home. Because it keeps up property values. Because...it's right. Because everyone deserves to be comfortable in their own home.
He wouldn't even fix the things. Ignored what needed done to do other things to look busy. Story of my married life. He was VERY busy. And no, the trim never got up in my kitchen and my laundry room never got dry wall or flooring. Ever. Though I asked. Begged. Made deals. Just wasn't happening. What I wanted didn't matter. Made me learn that you've got to hear what people really need or want most. You have to listen carefully. Pay attention. And even if it isn't your priority, you have to make it so in order to meet their heart needs.
Ditto with kids...times a hundred.
So I'm learning to have a warm home. It's such a blessing.
grace to you.
And, at night, we only put it down to 63 or 64. None of that seeing if we can hit 50. No interest in that. I have had enough really cold mornings to last me a lifetime.
But I'm also trying to build a warm home. A home with kindness. Last night my eldest son at home offered to get my youngest son some fast food when he went out. It was nice to hear. It's coming along. They have things to work out. But, I've been thinking about how hurt they were by their dad's self centeredness. How they probably don't even understand what it was or what hurt them so much. It just built anger and resentment. But, in the now, we can build a warm, inviting home. We really can. A step at a time. Patiently...especially on my part. Kindly.....especially on my part. I am less stressed than I used to be so that is possible. But, just as I can be thrown into painful moments, so can they. And they need a warm, safe, comfortable home to be truly at home in. That last really horrible weekend WAS really horrible. I get so tired of having to walk that tightrope. Of trying to be polite to others regarding my ex since they need to have their own opinions. But, he's not very nice. I could say more, but I won't. He is hurtful towards me particularly. And that weekend made me know that I want to learn, to practice, to choose......to find a way....to live differently. To not have myself nor my kids live in the shadow of that. I want to live in the sun. Storms will come. And I want us to be strong in those times from the calm times. I want to be a blessing to them. To lift them up. I want to be so for my friends as well. And that is hard....because sometimes I really want...need...to rant. To just say how unfair it is that my ex goes into the rental house that I have to take care of and questions where the appliances came from. None of his business. It just needed to be done. Even if it means some sacrifice. Because that's what you do to help the people that live in your home. Because it keeps up property values. Because...it's right. Because everyone deserves to be comfortable in their own home.
He wouldn't even fix the things. Ignored what needed done to do other things to look busy. Story of my married life. He was VERY busy. And no, the trim never got up in my kitchen and my laundry room never got dry wall or flooring. Ever. Though I asked. Begged. Made deals. Just wasn't happening. What I wanted didn't matter. Made me learn that you've got to hear what people really need or want most. You have to listen carefully. Pay attention. And even if it isn't your priority, you have to make it so in order to meet their heart needs.
Ditto with kids...times a hundred.
So I'm learning to have a warm home. It's such a blessing.
grace to you.
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