Our lives are a journey that we walk together not in order to become "good christian women," but rather to draw near to God so that we can reflect His light to those around us. Our stories, our paths, our dreams and our message are all unique. But we hold hands and walk boldly, fearlessly......onward...creating joy, hope, faith and peace in our wake.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

dear me

dear me,
take it easy on yourself.  there are a lot of things that seem normal for others that put you into a panic still.  even simple things like pictures.  like having a family portrait done for the church directory.  you are allowed to not be able to even picture having your photo displayed to so many that don't communicate anyway.  right next to your exes....alphabetical by name and all.  you need to cut yourself some slack.  take a breath.  not give up. you need to allow your fears to be heard. even when you know that they aren't easily understandable by others. 
dear me, you are valuable and treasured.  though you don't get those calls nor notes. though people just contact you to chat...you are allowed to have deep needs.  you are allowed to weep when you need to.  you are allowed.  encouraged to even. 
god loves you.  right where you are.  with all of the confusion of emotions from the constant pain you lived in.  the shock hits you hard sometimes and you need to take time to get your footing and to get a breath again.  because you don't need to fake it.  you need to be honest with yourself.  with others. you do not need to cover up the pain.  you do not have to make it ok for everyone else.
when you feel alone and in need, you are allowed to be there.  your own feelings matter.  a lot. 
dear me.  you are dear.  precious.  in his sight.  you are more valuable than you realize.  you have been repressed, held back, pushed down.  but you are rising out of the dust. do not be surprised by the pain you feel.  it's hard to live. it's way more painful than just giving up.
you must allow yourself to feel.  and to deal.  without explanation to others. 
and when you have wishes or hopes and desires for others to come and meet your needs, don't demean yourself for it.  mourn the loss so that you can go on.
you have value.  really.  keep saying it.  someday, you will internalize it.
blessings.  and grace.

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