I've been trying to be polite. Trying to walk a narrow line. I have been concerned for others' feelings. But I'm just going to have to start taking care of me.
Today, I saw one friend going to another's house...all's good with that. But, I realized that I'm not really invited to houses anymore. Oh, I can just show up. I do. But, thinking perhaps I shouldn't be. I have been trying really hard to just believe that in at least one relationship, things will be ok. Today, I am trying really hard to look at it objectively. If emails and texts aren't answered. If invites aren't answered. If there's a sense that I make others uncomfortable. Hmmm. Perhaps I should get a clue and not be such a dork. Neediness drives people away. And I can't help where I am. I am needy. My heart reminds me of my failures. I get it.
I want to just say what being married to him was like. But because of this torn feeling, this sense of unrest, I don't know that it's a good idea. Don't really want to bare my soul to people who are wishing that I'd be less needy anyway.
Never been the popular one, but I've always had good friends. I used to be a good friend.
Yeah, it hurts. Yeah, I know that it will pass. I guess I just need to start here: know that nobody has an obligation to me. That nobody needs to feel a certain way or do certain things. I am disappointed because I hoped that they would show up. With shovels. With words of commitment...that they would be able to say that no matter what, they are with me. I know that I'm an idealist. And I know that even in this, I'll somehow be ok. Just tired of walking a tightrope. Not gong to. Maybe I'll be alone, but I won't have to be guarded.
I've been doing way too much reaching out. Thought that was what I was supposed to do. But, when people aren't reaching back, it's time to grow up.
Love them still. And they me. Change is hard. There ya go, wasn't that profound? ;) y
My life is good. Somehow I just have to let go and let others do what works for them. And if that means being a bit on the outside, then that's just how it's going to have to be. Even if it's holidays. I just have to adjust. Get my mind around it. Pray. Gather courage. It's not going to be a pleasant little hike...but the view will be worth it.
blessings.
Today, I saw one friend going to another's house...all's good with that. But, I realized that I'm not really invited to houses anymore. Oh, I can just show up. I do. But, thinking perhaps I shouldn't be. I have been trying really hard to just believe that in at least one relationship, things will be ok. Today, I am trying really hard to look at it objectively. If emails and texts aren't answered. If invites aren't answered. If there's a sense that I make others uncomfortable. Hmmm. Perhaps I should get a clue and not be such a dork. Neediness drives people away. And I can't help where I am. I am needy. My heart reminds me of my failures. I get it.
I want to just say what being married to him was like. But because of this torn feeling, this sense of unrest, I don't know that it's a good idea. Don't really want to bare my soul to people who are wishing that I'd be less needy anyway.
Never been the popular one, but I've always had good friends. I used to be a good friend.
Yeah, it hurts. Yeah, I know that it will pass. I guess I just need to start here: know that nobody has an obligation to me. That nobody needs to feel a certain way or do certain things. I am disappointed because I hoped that they would show up. With shovels. With words of commitment...that they would be able to say that no matter what, they are with me. I know that I'm an idealist. And I know that even in this, I'll somehow be ok. Just tired of walking a tightrope. Not gong to. Maybe I'll be alone, but I won't have to be guarded.
I've been doing way too much reaching out. Thought that was what I was supposed to do. But, when people aren't reaching back, it's time to grow up.
Love them still. And they me. Change is hard. There ya go, wasn't that profound? ;) y
My life is good. Somehow I just have to let go and let others do what works for them. And if that means being a bit on the outside, then that's just how it's going to have to be. Even if it's holidays. I just have to adjust. Get my mind around it. Pray. Gather courage. It's not going to be a pleasant little hike...but the view will be worth it.
blessings.
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