Dark Nights

The mornings are dark these days.  The nights are too.  Makes it harder on me.  Funny how cloudy is relaxing to me, but dark is plain...tiring.  Exhausting.  I am so worn out tonight.  It gets dark so early.  By seven, all I could think was that I wanted to go right to bed.  But, I bathed.  Did some stuff.  Now it is just nearly 8...and I wonder, how early is too early for going to bed if I'm really tired?  My son is going to pick up the kids.  I often fall asleep before they get home these days.  So much going on in life and I get tired.
Some of it is stress.  I have to "perform" at work this week.  I have to be "formally" observed.  It should go just fine.  And yet....it stresses me.  I am still recovering...not recovered.
And what to tell my son has been on my mind.  How to tell him that I appreciate him.  Love him.  Value him.  But that I won't be going to counseling with his dad.  That I won't be working to reconcile the marriage.  Some kind of life that doesn't involve feeling completely overwhelmed when I see him might be good....but, beyond that, no thanks.
It makes me feel like a failure.  Like that is how my son will view me.  Not because I don't have good reasons.  But because I will not be giving my reasons to my son.  At least...not the big ones.
So, I should rest.
Sleep, even.
For tomorrow I go back to my wonderful job.  Yep.  Blessed.  Even in this literal dark time of winter.  And the figurative one too.
blessings.