not sucked in

tonight my kids were going out to eat.  i had already made dinner when i found out.  i went to get them from work and heard that their dad had made arrangements to take them out for dinner.  hmm.  and it is aggravating.  it is...inconsiderate.  it is thoughtless.  it is rude.
but...the thing is....i guess that's why i'm not with him anymore anyway.  and i know that he uses the little things to try to activate me to interact.  to initiate.  nope.
i've decided.  i won't be sucked in.  i won't be forced to be reactionary.  i will be purposeful.  i will choose.  i won't allow myself to be engaged when i don't need to.
he is not in control of me anymore.  he can not bully me anymore.  i don't want to see him.  i don't want to talk to him.  i don't want to spend time and energy trying to communicate because it's always so pointless.
he can do what he pleases.  and i won't allow it to ruin my life.  or my day.  or my happiness.  i may allow myself a few pathetic moments. ;)
i won't be sucked in.  because it is draining.  and i am just beginning to be filled up.  slowly.  just beginning to be able to survive.  so....i choose to stay outside of suck range.
and it is my choice.
i am perfectly able to stand up for myself.  to speak.  to say what is ok or not ok.  and i am also perfectly able to allow myself the opportunity to let go of the need to do so with him.
he can't bully me if he can't interact with me.  and if he chooses to use his kids then that's up to him.  there are four years until the last one goes to college.  i will love all of them forever.  he can do as he chooses with them.  buy them off.  be disney dad.  whatever.  i'll just be me.  and we'll figure it out over time.
i will not be sucked in.  i will not sit and lament the fact that he is so very self centered.
tough for him.  can't even see anything but himself.  must be lonely.