abuse

i had a conference tonight with a parent that is emotionally abusive.  there were constant slurs about the child (who was sitting there) and also nitpicking.  it was uncomfortable.  but, i realize that i no longer am without a voice.  i no longer feel frozen or impotent.  i am....empowered.  i am able to speak up kindly.  i am able to speak truth to the child.  i am able to give encouragement.  and i am able to see the truth that though the words have an ok tone of voice, they are backhandedly cruel.  i have been sensitized. 
i was troubled for the child.  and for the parent.  for the parent has taught the child that attention getting requires doing something unacceptable.  the child's sense of well being rests on getting some kind of attention...so, he gets it by doing what works.....negative things. 
i want to take the parent on a long walk and explain what happens when you begin to find genuine, truthful good things about people...especially children.....especially your own children.
i heard the mean intent behind the words.  it was sad.
abuse is so much more than hitting.  just as rape is so much more than sex.  there is an  underlying demeaning, and stealing of a person's worth.  it's as if the one doing it can only feel good about him/herself if they make the other person seem low. 
i've seen it.  i've lived it.  it's no way to spend a life. 
it's too bad that more people don't learn to speak kindly.  really...it's not that hard.  not insincere.  not false praise.  just truly noticing the good.  for no other purpose than to build up another.  not to get something.  not to gain value.  just to give the gift of self worth to another. 
wish i had had more of that in the last years.  it's like food for the soul.
blessings.