How

How is it that there's email after email and I say what I need and we agree what we are doing.  Then he says it's so hard.  Then..........I end up at home when he is home when he shouldn't be and he chats like all is right in the world.  And me?  I want to vomit.  I run away as quickly as I can.  I flee.  I go to a friend's house.  Too much of a wreck to even pretend that the Starbucks is a good option.  No way.  That aint happening.
Gosh.  I never get the down time that I need.  Every time I think that he's getting it, he reminds me of how good he is at doing something for a moment to get a desired result and then going back to same old.
Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Chest hurts.  Mind is cluttered.  But, at least he is TALKING about moving out in April.  Happy Birthday to me.
grace.