Need.

At my base.  At my core.  At my very center.  I am being attacked in ways that I want to stop.  I am harming myself when I should be helping myself.  I find myself terrified, feeling unworthy...and so, I pull away from others and don't ask them to be there.  Knowing that if they laugh at me or tell me I'm being foolish or do like my husband and say with words but don't follow up...that it will hurt too much.  I see it.  I feel it.  I know it.  But I still tremble when I try to change it.  But change it I will.  Because I like people.  I trust people.  And I'm not willing for that to be part of the fall out of my current troubling situation.  

I refuse to give up my life as I know that it can be.  Because people who care are all around.  And people that I care about.  And when I care I know that I like to show up.  And i have to trust that about them.  I'm just so wary.  He has hurt me more deeply than I can seem to even describe.  But....guess what?  That's going to become a part of the past.  My future is still being formed. 

I want to choose it well.

So....I will appreciate those who stay.  Mourn those who leave.  And go on.  And be strong.  And love deeply.  From the heart.  And allow myself to be loved just as much.  I used to know.  I can know again.  

grace to you.