Don't know what it is about emotions. Mine are pretty tender today. And having him gone is the upside. I think it's the mourning the things I haven't kept up with. The things I no longer have. The things that aren't things.
Gonna be tough to go to work if every little thing makes me cry. Kinda stupid.
The good news is...tomorrow won't be my birthday. For some reason, that is a relief. Because birthdays are "supposed" to.......fill in the blank. And that brings expectations even if you aren't meaning to. And that is very bad for the heart.
But today I got a great email from one son. A happy birthday shouted from her bedroom from my daughter. And lots of facebook well wishers. It's not that. It's just that sense of letting go of ever being cherished, I think. Seems like most people who go through this have their extended families. So, it's like doubling the grief.
I think I'll watch a show and get dressed...gotta get the kids pretty soon.
grace.
Gonna be tough to go to work if every little thing makes me cry. Kinda stupid.
The good news is...tomorrow won't be my birthday. For some reason, that is a relief. Because birthdays are "supposed" to.......fill in the blank. And that brings expectations even if you aren't meaning to. And that is very bad for the heart.
But today I got a great email from one son. A happy birthday shouted from her bedroom from my daughter. And lots of facebook well wishers. It's not that. It's just that sense of letting go of ever being cherished, I think. Seems like most people who go through this have their extended families. So, it's like doubling the grief.
I think I'll watch a show and get dressed...gotta get the kids pretty soon.
grace.
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