Night

I am glad that it is night.  Quiet.  A reason to be on my bed.  Resting.  Still.  Finally a place to be if I need to cry or sigh or whatever.  It still feels strange to get to close a door.  To get to use a bathroom without being seen first.  It has been a very long time.  My room is still with the look of college move in. But, there are little places of pretty.  I don't want towork tomorrow.  Even at the school I love.  That's a first.  I just want to putter around or do nothing at all.  Like I said...I feel like a computer that has been re-booted.  It takes time to get all of the programs up and running again.  I'm not mad or sad nor do I regret.  I just have a lot of change.  And a lot of stuff to process.
I am ok.  I know that I'm being held and carried.  And given each breath for a purpose.
Hey...I survived a birthday and that says something.  My kids and I went out to eat.  Just the four of us.  How odd that is.  Nearly half the family we used to be.  One more year and only three of us?  Oh my.
My heart aches today.  It's not for my husband.  There's just so much else.
I do have to say that I burned the blue bathrobe that caused such a stink.  It was from the era of if I bought him something then he turned around and bought me that thing too...leather jackets, robes....there was something else, but I can't remember.  It doesn't have good memories.  So.....I torched it.  Ha.  The grill should have a disclaimer:  caution, could be habit forming.
Well....I am thinking of you.  Hoping that you are feeling blessed tonight.  That you are able to take a breath.  You are important.
blessings.