OMGoodness

The elephant in the room finally got to me.  Make that....the waterbed.  So, I carried those ten tubes to the tub and emptied them.  First ones....hard, but manageable.  Middle ones, I thought that I would die.  So, I cried a little bit.  Persevered.  Remembered the kinds of cleansing...by fire and water.  I had already burned the lingerie today (note, if doing so in your weber grill, be sure to use enough lighter fluid so that nobody is offended when they go to start the grill to make burgers)...and now, the water.  It gushes out of those massive tubes.  Some were literally like a fountain.  By the time I got to the very last one, I was like Wonder Woman.  I hefted it up, determined to stand tall....after all, this was the LAST one.  And....look at me.  I did it.  Well, I am taking a break before I take the rest of it down, but I was successful.  It was lovely.  Well, except for the grief as I ripped the bedding off and was overwhelmed by such intense emotion.  How DARE he???? He really hurt me.  And seeing the bed that I haven't been in for so long.  Remembering....like a dagger.  Intense.  Not to mention the fact that this was the bed that I helped my grandma rip those sheets off of when my grandpa has just been picked up by the morgue.  Talk about an emotional hit.  There was one.  But, facing it is better than laying on my bed with my head under a pillow wishing to sleep the day away....I know, I had already attempted that.
And I was thinking how I could put the mattress part on Craigslist.  But, I'm tossing that baby in the trash.  Yep.  Really.  I'd burn it all if I could...but plastic and all.  You know, I care about the ozone.  I'll keep the frame and box springs.  Never know when I'll want a king sized bed.  I do like a big bed.  But for now.  For now, I just need a little place to be.  To curl up.  To feel enclosed in.  It's a weird thing to try to explain.  My little bed is in a corner.  I put the pillows around.  I don't know...like a nest, I guess.  It comforts me.  I think that it makes me feel held.  And I have not been held or hugged to be comforted in a very long time.  So, I think my brain and body are working together to make do.  To heal me.
Ok, now I still have work to do.  But, I did the hard part.  Now the room is a wreck, but the bed will be gone soon.  And that will help.  Or it might spur me into having to fix more because it seems too vast. :)
blessings.  remember....you only have to do one thing at a time.
oh...and i cancelled my house phone.  yep.  i rock.