Blessed

I had a good day.  My heart is at rest...at least mostly.  I have to have constant reminders.  Yet, I can tell that I am much more relaxed.  That's a very good thing.  Healthy.  Helps me.  I can tell by  the good kind of tired I feel.  Sleepy tired.  Not distressed let me put my head under a blanket and let the world go be weary.
I like being thankful.  It is good and right.  And I have so much to be thankful for.  The songs I posted I heard right when I got in the car to come home.  Remind Me Who I Am is beautiful.  So easy to get caught up in failure.  In shame.  Forget that I am His beloved.  But He is willing to remind me...even with a song.
And, I got to have time with a friend.  I didn't share how amazing it was and how ridiculously good....but I think that she knew.
My husband still doesn't get that I don't want to play the game of everything is fine.  He still doesn't get how much it wounds me for him to continually ignore my needs and plow ahead with his agenda.  But I don't have to fix it or worry about it.  Well, I'm sure that I will some.  And, it is still hard to be in the living room....but, I have a sense that I will be ok.  That I have a place to be.  I am warm.  I am fed.  I am loved by many....even if he never got it.  So, I need to let go.  Release.  And focus on living.  Breathing.  Believing.  Loving.  As much as possible.  Because, the person that causes me so much hurt and discomfort shouldn't be taking up this much space in my brain.  Nor this much time and energy from my emotions.  I need  to put that aside.  It's like a roller coaster.  Sometimes he's mad.  Sometimes he's pathetic.  Sometimes he's sullen.  But, it's always my fault.  But..........newsflash...........IT'S NOT!!! Because I am not responsible for his behavior.  I am responsible for mine.  Clarity is good.  Very good.
grace to you.